Hey friend,
It's 11:40 pm and I should be sleeping but I got thinking about something and God just got me so flipping excited/scared that I couldn't possibly sleep and I realized I needed to tell you about it.
Ok. What is keeping me up tonight?
Two things: first is that I realized that I really want to talk about something important to some people in my life who are really important to me and they are going to react either really good or possibly really bad. But I feel so right and good about talking about it that I just know that no matter the outcome, I need to have this talk with them. It's been a long time coming and it needs to get out into the open.
I'm going to talk to a couple members from my old church about their church and ask them why they are still tolerating and supporting it being stuck in the past. I've invited them to come to visit my new church but they had a very negative reaction to that. It was definitely a very sensitive subject yet and I haven't brought it up since.
The reason why I feel so strongly to talk to them again now is because they just invited me to come visit their old church. I haven't been back there once since I left. Not once. I thought about it a couple times. I even almost went once but it didn't feel right.
But just the fact that they are inviting us (me and hubby/kids) to visit makes me wonder if they are thinking about it too and it just feels like good timing. I'll let you know how it goes.
The second thing is that I spoke to my church again last week about this super cool revelation that God told me about and I plum forgot to tell you all about it.
I have to start with this whole summer of 2019.
It has sucked.
Ok, not totally. There's been awesomeness along the way and I've tried to focus on that, especially on the blog, but if I'm being totally, 100% honest, over all - this summer has felt stressed, lacking, scary, frustrating but most of all just plain disappointing.
I've felt like I've been trying and pulling as hard as I could to make things happen but everything just kept falling flat. Like my last couple blog posts, even though they are pretty good and it was really cool to see amazing things just happen right in front of me, it just felt like a balloon without air. Sad and disappointing.
Have you ever had a season like that? Where it's like you try and try but nothing seems to really change or it even gets worse? My house and yard has been a gigantic stressful embarrassment this year. It's been not great other years but this year it peaked to a whole new level of redneck filthiness.
There are now two mattresses in our yard. TWO. Just sitting outside, catching all the rain, bugs and whatever else has decided to live in them. The old broken drum set that was given to us a couple years ago is now outside on the deck too. Been there for possibly a year now.
That's right.
A year.
A whole fucking year.
Inside was even worse. I would clean the kitchen, and the other rooms of the house would explode with clothing, dirt, pet hair and yuckiness. Any time that I tried to get a handle on the mess, it seemed to get worse.
My efforts to get back on track just kept landing me in the ditch, over and over. At least, that was what it felt like. I was stressed, overwhelmed and feeling quite hopeless.
Then something cool happened.
I'm so grateful that God never actually leaves me, even though it kinda felt he had. I definitely leaned away from him during that time. I felt hurt that all of my forward momentum had vanished and I thought maybe God didn't love me anymore. But guess what?
He was never gone.
A couple weeks ago I started listening to my old favorite podcast. I had stopped listening for a while during my little spell of despair. Ruth Soukup talks about how to be successful in life on her podcast and I really didn't want to hear about it anymore but that week, something clicked. I saw the title of her show:
EP 68: THE MIRACLE EQUATION THAT JUST MIGHT CHANGE EVERYTHING WITH HAL ELROD
I was ready for a miracle.
I needed a miracle.
Ok, I was desperate for a miracle.
I was driving a tractor late at night and I needed something to help keep me awake. This episode did just that. It woke me up to how I achieved so much in 2018 and why I had fallen so far back down. I'll get more into that another time but it's past midnight now and I am starting to get sleepy.
That same week, I watched a facebook live of another favorite internet superstar I follow. Erin Sanderson of fitrockerchick.com.
She was just hanging out with her followers on facebook, chatting it up and she said that God showed her a picture of herself while she was out walking her dogs. She has two dogs, one was more mature and obedient and off leash but the other was younger, less experienced and she had it on a leash beside her.
The older dog was further ahead and the younger dog wanted to be up there with the older one but it couldn't because it was being held back by the leash.
Erin said that she held the younger dog back for just few more moments for training, to calm the dog and to teach it. Then, when it was safe, she unleashed it and let it run. Within moments, the younger dog was caught up the older dog and then passed it.
She said that she felt like God was saying that was a picture of us. That we are about to be unleashed and it was just training because we are about to launch forward. Even though it looks like we are behind, we are about to surpass where we want to be and go even further.
Friend. It seriously gives me chills in my feelers.
I'm ready to be unleashed.
How about you?
So it's already starting to happen. For me, God is showing me that mornings are crucial. I started reading Hal Elrod's book, The Morning Miracle, which is all about how to start your day with purpose and tools that you use to set yourself up for success.
Guess what I did last year when my life exploded?
I got up early and read the Bible with God's presence in calm serenity and then I attacked my day.
It's all about how you start your day! It doesn't make it all perfect but when you start your day by kicking ass it's pretty easy to just keep going and build momentum.
Do you want to wake up feeling depressed about your day or excited? Lonely or fufilled? Tormented by a messy life or motivated to start doing what you can and keeping it going until your mess is gone and then stays gone?
"But Heather, I can't control how I feel!"
"Fuck yes you can."
I'm not saying never experience negative emotions. I'm not saying never feel tired. I had a nap yesterday because I got tired. I'm just saying, choose tonight how you want to feel in the morning. I've dragged myself out of bed most of my life. But when I choose to believe that I'm going to wake up tomorrow feeling good - guess what? It actually happens.
It is possible to convince yourself that you can wake up feeling excited and happy. I know it's true because I do it every night now and it works. If you try it, you'll see what I mean.
So last week I told my church about the dog being unleashed story and it was great. And it's actually happening. I feel better every day and I make improvements everyday. I'm making progress on my house, I'm getting things done and I am starting to have a clearer picture of where I want my life to go.
I still have setbacks and moments where I screw up, but so what! Everyone does! I'm still feeling better than I have in months. And I'm totally stoked to see where I'm going with this. I can hardly wait to get there.
I can give you one hint of one place I'm going next year.
Kangaroos.
Okay that was practically giving it away. ;-)
Comentários